


Reaping What's Sown

by Roturier



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: justice delayed but not dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29608962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roturier/pseuds/Roturier
Summary: Even early mornings are not without a certain amount of potential chaos in the Phantomhive manor.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	Reaping What's Sown

“Sebastian what are you playing at? How am I supposed to eat with this obscenity in the room?!”

“Please forgive the racket, my lord, but your overnight guest seems determined to make a scene,” said the butler as he entered the earl’s bedroom carrying the Viscount Druitt by the scruff of the neck. “He demanded an audience, so I brought him up. I must urge caution however: from my experience, prolonged stress tends to make him severely flatulent.”

“No surprise there. I’ve rarely met such a tedious, tumescent turd.” The butler dropped their unwilling guest, who promptly fell to the floor whining. “Go on then peasant,” said the earl, “amuse us.”

“I protest his outrage! I am NOT a peasant!”

“No? You’re certainly acting like one. Sebastan tells me he caught you pissing in the hallway during our last Phantomhive Winter Ball—to which, as I distinctly recall, you were NOT invited.”

“Well I…that is…well! The Queen is going to hear about this!”

“Flatulent fool. Who do you think ordered your detainment?”

“What?! Wh--Who do you think you are!”

“I don’t think, I _am_ the Queen’s Guard Dog, and I have leave to do as I like with turgid toerags like you.”

“But…but I…you can’t keep a peer of the realm shut up in a damp cellar like a common pickpocket!”

“Well, clearly we can, and we did,” the earl smiled.

“And will do again, within the hour if I am not mistaken,” said the butler. “We cannot run the risk of having phillistines like you relieving themselves upon the tapestries and pocketing the teaspoons.”

“ And if I don’t order Sebastian to pull your head off to shut you up, you’ll be going right back down there as soon as you’re done yammering. So do snap it up: you’re delaying my morning tea.” The earl swung his legs out of the bedclothes and sat up to take a few sips of his morning brew, and unfold his morning broadsheet.

“What did we catch him doing this time, Sebastian?” said the earl in a bored voice, without looking up from his paper.

“He was naked and high as a petrel, in a room with two dozen underaged boys, thick with opium smoke, the young persons were all chained to the walls, naked as well, though not by their choice, and the Viscount here was just selecting a cat-o-nine-tails with which to entertain his unwilling guests.

“Young Tom here, who has distinguished himself a something of a natural leader, has convinced the rest of the young men to appear in court and give evidence against our repellent rakehell here, should it be needed.”

“Yes sir,” said the boy called Tom. “We is not all nobles like ‘is nibs over ‘ere but we all agree to speak up in court if you needs us to.”

“It must take a specal sort of courage to do something so exceedingly vulgar, Druitt. Repeatedly.”

“I think you are mistaking idiocy for courage my lord.”

“Well, perhaps.”

“I am an Englishman and know my rights you pestiferous little imp! I _demand_ you turn me over to the Metropolitan Police this instant!”

“Oh, I don’t think we’ll need to involve the peelers this time, Druitt. Too many of them are in your back pocket, for starters. You are such a habitual offender, the Queen will be only too happy to overlook us taking care of you without involving the courts.”

“Thank you my lord,” the butler said kneeling before the earl. “I confess I‘ve been spoiling for a bit of exercise.”

The Vicount Druit turned a pale green and made outraged pig noises all the way back downatairs as the butler escorted him back to his tiny, damp cell next to his lord’s wine cellar, where the entirety of the two dozen young boys, now no longer chained to any walls, witnessed genuine justice done upon the Viscount Druitt, eye for eye, tup for tup.*

*Consult the Urban Dictionary.


End file.
